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Dangerous affair[Kidnapper!LevixVictim!Reader]Ch12

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How can you know that you’re in love?

 

 

I furrowed my eyebrows and stared at the ceiling. Weird fucking question. Why should I have to know? Why should I have to be aware?

But still, this was what my father asked me.

 

 

”Dad, you can’t kill him!”

”[First name], stay out of this.”

”What the hell do you mean by staying out?! Are you saying it’s not my business?! Dad, I-”

”Darling, that’s exactly what I mean. He’s already jailed. Now go up to your room, I have countless things to deal with.”

”For fuck’s sake! Stop treating me like a child! It was me who had to go through everything, so don’t you dare to say it doesn’t have anything to do with me! I say Levi is innocent, so you let him go, or else-”

”[First name].”

”Don’t sigh like this, it’s irritating as fuck! I can’t believe that you got me back, yet all you can think is revenge and fucking bloodshed!”

”And you, young lady, don’t use this tone when you’re talking to your father.”

”You never listen to me! You didn’t even let me explain anything…”

”[First name], I know what you feel. I know what you think. I didn’t want to say this directly, but... honey, in fact it’s truly not about you. That man only wanted my money. I don’t know about his purposes, and honestly, I don’t care either. He used you. He must have known that it would be over for him soon, so he made you… fall for him…”

”No, it’s not that-”

”Damn, just thinking about this makes me want to strangle him. I thought you were smarter than that. I can’t say that I’m not disappointed. But when Levi’s case is finished, we’re going to talk a lot, don’t worry. We have to make everything right.”

”God, you really can’t see anything, can you…”

”This had happened before to your mother. Back then I wasn’t severe and harsh enough on the culprits, but this time I’m going to show them that I have no mercy for those who hurt my loved ones. Yes… it’s my business alone. You’re staying out.”

”Well, it’s not up to you.”

”Maybe you should do some research on Stockholm-syndrome. You only have feelings for him because you depended on him for this long. But this affection will die when he does too, I can assure you. No… don’t waste your breath on argueing. Anyway, how could even you yourself know that you’re genuinely in love?”

 

 

So yeah.

At the moment I’m in my bed, trying to figure out the answer.

I rolled to my side, clutched the blanket and sniffed it. How many times had I dreamt about this moment? This old, familiar smell? And now it doesn’t mean a thing. I can only think about Levi.

Isn’t this love?

Wait, who said anything about love? Why would I have to be in love with him, just because I don’t want him to die?!

I felt like throwing up when my father’s twisted idea came to my mind. He intended to question Levi – Dad suspected that there were others, who helped him - , then kill him. I had no idea how he planned to go through the process – shooting him, cutting his throat, or what on Earth?

Dad didn’t give a damn about what I was trying to say. He was convinced that I went a little mad, since mentally the kidnapping must have been very hard for me.

I rubbed my forehead exhaustedly.

Basically after my father and the ’tough-boys’ got into Levi’s house, two men grabbed my arms and dragged me out, then pushed me into a car. As far as I know he was jailed, apart from that... Where…? When will Dad start to deal with him, and how? These were the important questions.

I shivered. Kill him. There is no death penalty officially. Which means…

…the case won’t be taken to the court. And everything is already decided.

Levi’s dead.

I shut my eyes tightly. The headache is bound.

Okay, let me think this through slowly and calmly.

 

What if Dad is right?

 

The pain stormed into my chest and grabbed my heart in its strong hand, then squeezed it tightly. This hateful feeling was thousand times worse than the thought of Levi’s death.

What if it was all a huge, well-built lie? Actually, this is sensible, isn’t it? Maybe Levi knew it could turn out this way, and then… then he would have me protect him. I would save his ass, being the Chief’s daughter.

My head felt twice its size. I clenched my teeth.

Levi never did anything to… seduce me. So it can’t be true…

That’s right. He’s better than that. He wouldn’t do it so directly and obviously. I thought I was the one who had feelings and I was so happy when even for a few seconds it seemed as if he returned them…but the truth was that he wrapped his sly fingers around me, and delicately, without me noticing it he choked me until I couldn’t help but fall for him.

But once again, I have never said that I was in love!

...Jeez.

My mind was racing. Pessimistic, grim thoughts invaded my head. The days I spent with him – now it felt like hundred years passed since the last time I saw him. Nothing seemed real. His words, his voice, his face, his expressions, his touch – my ears, eyes and skin refused to remember. As if it was a dream. Maybe I really lost my mind a bit and imagined things… how could I ever think that we had anything?

I shook my head. I need to keep these thoughts outside of my head.

 

Stockholm syndrome.

 

I sat up in my bed slowly, then got up and dragged myself to my desk to turn on my computer. I stroked my temple. I should sleep instead of browsing weird shit on the internet. After all, I shouldn’t listen to anyone but myself. I was there, I am the one who knows what to feel, why would I need to look up strange, made-up syndromes?!

Still, I typed the words automatically.

 

Stockholm syndrome.

 

My eyes were already glued to the screen.

 

Stockholm syndrome, or capture-bonding, is a psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings toward their captors, sometimes to the point of defending and identifying with the captors.

 

I rolled my eyes. If you say so, then it must be true. Though as for me, I’ve never idolized Levi. I just understand his reasons, that’s all. I don’t want to see a human being die.

 

These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness.

 

I didn’t bat an eyelash, though it felt like a punch in the stomach. Abuse… kindness… If I were to categorize Levi’s actions, where would I put them?

 

Stockholm syndrome can be seen as a form of traumatic bonding, which does not necessarily require a hostage scenario, but which describes "strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other.

 

I raised an eyebrow. We never hurt each other. He did tie me up, but that was understandable. Or when he lied that he put drugs in my drink. But he’s never laid a hand on me. That last time… he pointed the gun at me, it’s true, but he didn’t shoot me. He indeed shoved me and I fell onto the floor, but it was precisely because he couldn’t hurt me.

Could he?

I admit these explanations of mine aren’t the best, but let’s just put this aside.

I found another site discussing the process of the syndrome.

 

    1.    In a traumatic and extraordinarily stressful event, a person finds herself held captive by a man who is threatening to kill her if she disobeys him in any way. She may be abused - physically, sexually and/or verbally - and having trouble thinking straight. According to the captor, escape is not an option. She will end up dead. Her family may end up dead, too. Her only chance at survival is obedience.

 

 

Well, I don’t remember thinking that I would obey Levi blindly.

 

    2.    As time goes on, obedience alone may become less of a sure thing - the captor is under stress as well, and a change in his mood could mean harmful consequences to his prisoner. Figuring out what might set off her captor's violence so she can avoid those triggers becomes another survival strategy. In this way, she gets to know her captor.

 

I started to have a bad feeling. Because… even if it wasn’t literally the case for me, I could relate. I wanted to know Levi, I wanted to know his weaknesses, and so I got closer to him…

 

 

    3.    A minor act of kindness on the part of the captor, which can include simply not killing the prisoner yet, positions the captor as the prisoner's savior, as "ultimately good," to quote young Anne Frank's famous characterization of the Nazis who ultimately led to her death. In the traumatic, life-threatening circumstances in which the prisoner finds herself, the slightest act of kindness - or the sudden absence of violence - seems a sign of friendship in an otherwise hostile, terrifying world, and the prisoner clings to it for dear life.

 

 

That familiar feeling in my stomach. I felt like a laughing stock, like a ridiculous little naive girl. I could see the scene again. I was straddling Levi. I had him under me, all defenseless, so fragile. The knife was in my hand – oh how terrified and thrilled I was when I could snatch it from the kitchen, I thought I would finally end that nightmare – and I was pressing the blade against his warm, sex-sweaty skin. I could have killed him easily, but no, I hesitated. He opened his eyes and pierced mine. Then, I still had the chance. So what did I do? I started questioning my actions. As if I hadn’t thought them through. I recalled the times when he had been – not nice, but not rude to me. And so I backed up. For I considered ‘not killing me’ a kind thing.

 

 

    4.      The captor slowly seems less threatening - more an instrument for survival and protection than one of harm. The prisoner undergoes what some call an act of self-delusion: In order to survive psychologically as well as physically - to lessen the unimaginable stress of the situation - the prisoner comes to truly believe that the captor is her friend, that he will not kill her, that in fact they can help each other "get out of this mess." The people on the outside trying to rescue her seem less like her allies. They are going to hurt this person who is protecting her from harm. The fact that this person is also the source of that potential harm gets buried in the process of self-delusion.

 

 

 

 

 

I think I’m going to throw up.

 

 

 

                                                                                  ~*~

 

 

“[First name], honey, are you all right?”

I had an awful déjà vu all of a sudden. I frowned, then realised the reason: this sentence reminded me of a similar line of Dad ‘[First name], honey, are you ready?’. He said that on that certain evening, maybe an hour before I was kidnapped.

I glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. It’s 8 in the morning. I never wake up this early, so it’s surprising that he’s already trying to talk to me.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I muttered. I wasn’t loud enough for him to hear though.

“[First name]?” Dad knocked twice on the door. “Can I come in?”

I shrugged to myself, and sat up in the bed. He slowly opened the door and came in.

“So how are you?”

I looked straight into his blue eyes.

“Fine.” I uttered.

Dad sighed and sat down next to me.

“I wasn’t very nice to you yesterday, but I hope you can understand me. I was… I thought I would die if I lost you.” His otherwise smooth voice cracked. “I didn’t handle it very well. It’s… very stressful.”

“I’m alright, Dad. I am. Don’t worry about me. I’m not angry.” I mumbled, staring at a fix point on the wall, doing all that it took to avoid the eye contact.

“Do you want to talk about what happened… between you two?”

Did I just hear my stoic father gulp in anxiety?

“No, Dad. I see that you were right.” I replied expressionlessly.

He scowled.

“You’re confusing me. Didn’t you claim you were in love with-“

“For the last time!” I jumped to my feet in a second, spun around my heels and glared at him. “I’m not in love with anyone!”

The room went silent for a moment.

“I’m just asking whether you’re interested in what’s happening to that filthy scum.” he noted drly.

At first I froze, but then I quickly maintained a calm expression.

“I’m not. As I told you about ten seconds ago, I know you were right.” I took a deep breath. “I know the feelings that I developed were some kind of results of the situation. But now that I comprehend it all, I can get over it.”

Dad was gazing at me in awe.

“I can’t believe you’re this strong. I’m so proud.” He held out his arms for me. “Come on, give me a hug at last.”

I let him embrace me, shuddering because of the cold feeling in my heart.

 

 

                                                                          ~*~

 

 

As days went on, I did my best to ignore Levi, his existence – basically everything that had happened. In the back of my mind, I told myself that I would deal with him later, but I just kept putting it off. Anyway, Dad won’t kill him for real, right? Even if he’s the chief officer in the military service, he can’t do that, can he?

I just wasn’t able to think about it. Dad attempted to talk about it a few times, but at the moment he brought the subject up, I refused to continue the conversation.

Whether Levi lied to me or not, I couldn’t decide. Well, I literally couldn’t: after all, it’s not something I can choose. It had happened or not. Therefore, I didn’t want to spend time on trying to figure out the truth and torture myself. Everything in connection with Levi was unbearably painful for both my mind and body. One day I hated him to the point that I turned sick, then in the next second I was convinced that Dad manipulated me.

I couldn’t talk to anyone about this. My friends visited me once or twice, but I didn’t even feel familiar with them. Was it me who changed that much? Or they weren’t my real friends at all…?

I felt so alone.

I was much more lonely than with Levi, who oh-so-awfully kidnapped me.

 

 

                                                     

                                                                         ~*~

 

 

I was sitting at the dining table, drinking a cup of tea, when Dad slammed down a piece of paper in front of me.

“His case is being discussed tomorrow.” Was all he said.

A glanced up at him.

“So?”

’So?’”? He echoed the word, and shot a frown at me.

“Not interested.” I replied. My palms were becoming sweaty.

“Look, I would never want to persuade you to go and visit him, but personally, I think it would help you move on and-“

“Save it, I said I’m not interested.” I answered sharply, looking into his eyes. Yes, this is me becoming a very pleasant person after hearing about Levi.

Silence.

“Alright. It’s just… if you want to talk to him by any chance, on that paper you can read his current whereabouts.”

“I don’t need it.”

Seeing that he can’t reason with me, he sighed and left me alone with my tea.

 

Who cares where Levi is?

 

 

       

                                                                           ~*~

 

Apparently, it must be me who does.

I was sitting on an uncomfortable chair, and the only thing that separated me from Levi – or Levi from me – was a door. It didn’t quite took an hour for me to decide that I’d go and see Levi. Dad gave me the address on that piece of paper, and I simply caught a taxi to get here. It looked an ordinary building, and when I entered, it revealed that it was a working place, probably one that Dad was running. I told the receptionist what I wanted, and he told me to go to the twentieth floor. There I bumped into two security guards. I had to show them my ID card, and only then they let me in. There was a table in front of me, and another chair on the other side. I guess Levi had been questioned here.

I started drumming my fingers on the table nervously. Suddenly I wanted to leave. Was is really a good idea to come here? I was thinking about what I would say to Levi in the taxi, but I still don’t know… Maybe he doesn’t even want to see me… what if he simply refuses to talk to me…?

The door opened, and...

…Levi’s pale face appeared.

Suddenly I became all sweaty and tensed up. I clenched my fists pressed my lips together. Stay still. Don’t run away.

His hands were handcuffed behind his back. Two men were grabbing his arms and sat him down in front of me.

“We’re not leaving, Ms. Smith, you don’t have to worry.” One of them reassured me while walking to the corner of the small room. I nodded, then took a deep breath and turned towards Levi.

I almost jumped when I met his intense, piercing gaze. He was observing me from behind his eyelashes. I opened my mouth, but I failed awkwardly. Uh, maybe I hoped he would be the first to talk…

I gulped.

“You don’t look that bad despite being jailed.”

He raised an eyebrow slightly.

“It’s not like I’m being tortured. I even get my cigarettes.”

“Oh.”

I stole a look from him, which confirmed his statement. He didn’t seem to lose weight, what’s more, was he given new clothes?! I haven’t seen him wearing blue jeans before.

It was kind of weird. I mean, we weren’t supposed to act like this; after all we knew each other in many ways, I was by his side through his worst days… We weren’t strangers…

“Ironic, isn’t it? We changed roles.” I continued with a sour smile, still not getting to the point.

Levi ignored my remark.

“So tell me, did you come to say a soppy goodbye?”

My eyes widened.

“By tomorrow I might be dead. You really shouldn’t have visited me just because of this.” he said flatly.

“Why would you be dead…?” I mumbled, but we both knew the truth.

“[First name], spare me.” he sighed deeply.

Spare him? I narrowed my eyes at him.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I hissed. “Are you playing the drama queen because I haven’t come earlier?”

“No, I’m not surprised.”

“Of course, Mr. Know-it-all! Never wrong in life!” I fumed.

Levi gifted me with a bored look, then glanced at the guards.

“I think we’ve finished.”

Surprising even myself, I slammed my palms onto the table.

“We’re not nearly finished!” I snapped, successfully gaining his attention. “I need to know one thing. Only one.”

“I can’t wait to hear.” Levi nodded expressionlessly.

I leaned closer to him. From the corner of my eye, I could see one of the guards take a hesitant step towards us.

“Tell me what I am to you.”

Levi’s eyes almost invisibly widened, then quickly closed them.

“[First name], quit being this emotional.”

I grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked him even closer.

“Can’t you be decent once in your life?” I growled through my teeth.

“You’re wrinkling my shirt.” Levi said coolly.

“Ms. Smith, keep the distance from him!” I heard a voice from behind, but I didn’t care.

Say it.

He returned my icy look, not intimidated by the intimacy.

“I have never had any romantic feelings towards you, if that’s what you’re asking. I didn’t deceive you, there’s no need for this show. I never lied to you.” he said plainly. “You may let go of me.”

I was staring into his eyes for long seconds.

“You…” I whispered. I wanted to curse, I wanted to insult him, but my tongue didn’t find the right words. A thick knot was forming in my throat. And my stomach – as if someone had punched me. “Uhh...” I pushed him away, sending him back to the chair.

Levi was looking at me with an uninterested face.

“You’re one fucking bastard.” I choked.

“What did you expect? That I fell in love with you, and we’ll live happily ever after?” He inquired.

“I don’t know, but I hope you will rot in hell.” I snarled at him. Fuck, I can feel my eyes becoming teary… please, God, don’t let him see…

“I will, [First name].”

I held back a painful groan and stood up. I felt a bit dizzy. Leave, leave, leave, leave, leave – my mind was shouting this word again and again. Get away from the source of agony!

I can’t blame him, though. Why am I angry at all in the first place? He didn’t force a thing. I agreed on… doing physical stuff. Maybe I’m only mad at myself, for being this naive and stupid…

I already turned around, when I heard him speak.

“Were you thinking about me the whole time? Is this why you didn’t come?”

I trembled slightly. Is he mocking, or is he being serious? There’s a huge difference, especially now…

“Why do you care?” I muttered miserably.

“[First name].” Levi’s voice suddenly sounded really exhausted. “You can’t be fixed by the same person who broke you.”

 

 

That’s true. But how unfair – the same person can break you several times.

YAAAYYYY THAT'S RIGHT I DID MANAGE TO FINISH THE CHAPTER!

However... I have to admit that originally I planned it longer, but I got tired and put an end to it, shame on me Neko Emoji-14 (Cry) [V1] 

Yep, sadly there's not much Leviness in this chapter, but on the other hand, you can read about endless rants, suffering and complaint... >< Sooorry! But I think I had to write a chapter like this, now that our Reader-chan got home and had to deal with her confused emotions. It was also interesting to look up some informations about Stockholm syndrome and check if my story matched with those symptoms, because I haven't done it before.

I'll hurry with the next chapter, because I don't want you to hate Levi xD ( please don't judge him carelessly :c )


One more thing... strangely, this whole kidnapper-thing reminded me of Fifty shades of grey this time omg XDDD I mean, people are complaining because they say it's making abuse and domestic violence a good thing. Well, I don't agree, and I wouldn't like you to get the wrong idea about this fiction either.:D ... Or you know what, I don't mind xD For me, it's about an absurd and weird relationship - which I like. That's all.:D




More actions are coming soon. HAV - Madame de Pompadour Excited thranduil 


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1st ch.: barbychan.deviantart.com/art/D…
2nd ch: barbychan.deviantart.com/art/D…
3rd: barbychan.deviantart.com/art/D…
4th: barbychan.deviantart.com/art/D…
5th: barbychan.deviantart.com/art/D…
6th: barbychan.deviantart.com/art/D…
7th: Dangerous affair[Kidnapper!LevixVictim!Reader] Ch7
8th: Dangerous affair[Kidnapper!LevixVictim!Reader] Ch8
9th: Dangerous affair[Kidnapper!LevixVictim!Reader] Ch9
10th: Dangerous affair[Kidnapper!LevixVictim!Reader]Ch10
11th: barbychan.deviantart.com/art/D…
12th: you are here!
13th: barbychan.deviantart.com/art/D…
14th: barbychan.deviantart.com/art/D…

The characters of Attack on Titan belong to Isayama Hajime-sensei,
you belong to you (or to this baaad Levi Levi2 ).
Thank you for reading!^_
© 2015 - 2024 Barbychan
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Anae-Haruki-Pitch's avatar
no no no no levi how dare you